Hey, everybody. Thanks for going through my pity party with me. I had a good cry, felt sorry for myself, pondered all of the things that have gone wrong and now I'm ready to re-focus on the task at hand - getting lean!!
1) The support of friends and family who really understand you and know how to say the right things to keep you motivated are essential to your success. It was very humbling to rely on the input of others. You know who you are - thanks so much for your encouragement and perspective.
2) I had a great Christmas. I got some of the greatest gifts this year. From my sister, I received 4 sessions with my trainer - thrilling! From my roommate, I received a very gracious gift card to Kohl's because I need new clothes for my skinnier self and from my friend/nutrition coach, I received a water bottle that says "On a journey to a better me one rep at a time." How awesome to receive encouragement in such a tangible way. I'm soo gonna do this and you believe in me!
3) I am really embracing this whole Sports Nutrition lifestyle. I am working on my certification to be a nutrition coach and...wait for it...am opening a Max Muscle Sports Nutrition store in Raleigh, NC by summer(ish). There are a lot of details to figure out between now and then and I'll keep you posted on my parallel path of progress. I'm excited about the business opportunity and eventually owning 100% of the store. Look out, Triangle, I'm coming your way!!
See ya in the gym! Get in there, people!
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Friday, December 23, 2011
Thursday Three is Friday Four...And It's a Doozy
Thursday Three is a Friday Four this week. I have a good excuse, I really do. The things I'm sharing this week are showing a side of myself I'm reticent to share. So I've been putting it off. I like to take the opportunity in this blog to encourage others and in doing so, continue to stay accountable and on track. The reality is that even "Miss Silver Lining" has bad weeks where I don't want to see the good side in my situation. This has been one such week...a Pity-Party-A-Rama! So bear with me as I share some of my dark moments. I'm hoping that in doing so, you will be reminded to forgive yourself when you're not on top of the world. In doing that, I can encourage others and stay accountable and on track. See a pattern here?
1. I was thrilled when my roommate invited me to join him and a few friends at the local hangout this past Tuesday. I don't get out much, I'm sad to say. I used to love being one of the guys and hanging out. Tuesday night was different. I felt awful. I actually cried a little when I got home and crawled into bed. Let me explain the dumb, irrational reason why. The guys, as guys often do, shared assessments and likes/dislikes about the women at the bar. In their innocuous banter, I was reminded of the fact that I have none of those "classic pretty girl" qualities. I don't even have big boobs anymore. I allowed myself to feel ugly and dumpy and quite possibly for the first time in my life, I walked out with my head down and shoulders rounded. I'm in a weird place right now. I'm getting used to my new, changing body. I'm seeking for my self esteem. Not to mention the fact that my hair looks dumb as it's growing out. Bleh. Get over myself already!
2. I worked out with my friend and nutrition coach, Erika, yesterday. She is working to compete in April at the Max Muscle NPC show at Woodbridge High School. It was humbling. I have 10 lbs of muscle on her but she's a lot stronger than I am. She schooled me a bit on my form, too. It is important to learn and I'm thrilled to do so. It's just the timing of it. It was in the midst of my pity party week, so I teared up when I headed back into the locker room. Bleh. My good friend, Dave, reminded me that Erika has competed before. She is working to compete again in April. She's ahead of me. It's okay. Don't panic. Thanks. Dave. I need that.
3. I failed at losing the last 11 pounds by the end of the year. Instead, I put on two and a half! Yes! More tears of humility. Bleh. I am working with Erika to tweak my meal plan and I am upping my cardio frequency. I KNOW I'll get it. It's just the timing...you know, the whole pity party thing.
4. I'm eating whatever whenever this weekend...starting today. I am exhausted from being disciplined eating clean six times a day. This is my Christmas gift to myself. I promise not to overindulge. I don't think I am actually capable of overindulging anymore. My idea of indulgence is having cereal and fruit for breakfast with NO source of protein except my skim milk! Take that! I'm a rebel!
See ya in the gym! (on Monday)
1. I was thrilled when my roommate invited me to join him and a few friends at the local hangout this past Tuesday. I don't get out much, I'm sad to say. I used to love being one of the guys and hanging out. Tuesday night was different. I felt awful. I actually cried a little when I got home and crawled into bed. Let me explain the dumb, irrational reason why. The guys, as guys often do, shared assessments and likes/dislikes about the women at the bar. In their innocuous banter, I was reminded of the fact that I have none of those "classic pretty girl" qualities. I don't even have big boobs anymore. I allowed myself to feel ugly and dumpy and quite possibly for the first time in my life, I walked out with my head down and shoulders rounded. I'm in a weird place right now. I'm getting used to my new, changing body. I'm seeking for my self esteem. Not to mention the fact that my hair looks dumb as it's growing out. Bleh. Get over myself already!
2. I worked out with my friend and nutrition coach, Erika, yesterday. She is working to compete in April at the Max Muscle NPC show at Woodbridge High School. It was humbling. I have 10 lbs of muscle on her but she's a lot stronger than I am. She schooled me a bit on my form, too. It is important to learn and I'm thrilled to do so. It's just the timing of it. It was in the midst of my pity party week, so I teared up when I headed back into the locker room. Bleh. My good friend, Dave, reminded me that Erika has competed before. She is working to compete again in April. She's ahead of me. It's okay. Don't panic. Thanks. Dave. I need that.
3. I failed at losing the last 11 pounds by the end of the year. Instead, I put on two and a half! Yes! More tears of humility. Bleh. I am working with Erika to tweak my meal plan and I am upping my cardio frequency. I KNOW I'll get it. It's just the timing...you know, the whole pity party thing.
4. I'm eating whatever whenever this weekend...starting today. I am exhausted from being disciplined eating clean six times a day. This is my Christmas gift to myself. I promise not to overindulge. I don't think I am actually capable of overindulging anymore. My idea of indulgence is having cereal and fruit for breakfast with NO source of protein except my skim milk! Take that! I'm a rebel!
See ya in the gym! (on Monday)
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Thursday Three
1) It is almost impossible to be grumpy when listening to Christmas music. Sitting in traffic? Blllling! No worries. Burl Ives is telling me to have a Holly Jolly Christmas. Somebody doesn't follow through on what they said they were going to do? Bllllling! Michael Buble is wooing me again with his version of Jingle Bells. Oh my, I still haven't lost a single pound. Blllling! Thank goodness Ella & Bing are telling me to keep my schoz maroon. Ahhh. All better now.
2) While The Biggest Loser is popular and a wonderful show to watch, there is a danger of being discouraged by the ridiculous results the contestants are able to achieve in seven short months. I find myself comparing my progress to the show. It doesn't discount what they do or what I do, but it is human nature to compare. I just gotta keep my head down and press on. You press on too, my friends.
3) One of my sub goals was to get down to 199.9 by the end of the year. When I established the goal, I was 216 lbs. Three weeks ago, I got to 211. Still 211. Hello, new plateau. I'd like to be done with you now. I was 165 lbs when I graduated from high school. I was 185 for a few months in 1996. If I can achieve this goal, it will be the first time I have been under 200 in a very long time. The cool thing is that this time I have changed my lifestyle to set me up for success in keeping it off. I'm pretty excited about that. I'll get there. Gotta get better at being patient. I'm careful about praying for patience though. God always proves to have a sense of humor when people do that.
See ya in the gym!
2) While The Biggest Loser is popular and a wonderful show to watch, there is a danger of being discouraged by the ridiculous results the contestants are able to achieve in seven short months. I find myself comparing my progress to the show. It doesn't discount what they do or what I do, but it is human nature to compare. I just gotta keep my head down and press on. You press on too, my friends.
3) One of my sub goals was to get down to 199.9 by the end of the year. When I established the goal, I was 216 lbs. Three weeks ago, I got to 211. Still 211. Hello, new plateau. I'd like to be done with you now. I was 165 lbs when I graduated from high school. I was 185 for a few months in 1996. If I can achieve this goal, it will be the first time I have been under 200 in a very long time. The cool thing is that this time I have changed my lifestyle to set me up for success in keeping it off. I'm pretty excited about that. I'll get there. Gotta get better at being patient. I'm careful about praying for patience though. God always proves to have a sense of humor when people do that.
See ya in the gym!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Blue & Gray 5K Results
Finished in 42:33. That ranked me at 220 out of 250 (19/21 in my age/gender group), but I finished and knocked four & a half minutes off my last 5K. Going into this one, I had three goals:
1) Jog a mile without walking
2) Get a better time than the last one
3) Not come in last place
Check, check, and check. Next!
See ya in the gym!
1) Jog a mile without walking
2) Get a better time than the last one
3) Not come in last place
Check, check, and check. Next!
See ya in the gym!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Thursday Three is Friday Four
Thursday Three is Friday Four; not because I have more to say, but because I didn't get to it yesterday.
1. Mountain View High School has a wonderful Arts Dept with talented and dedicated teachers. It is because of people like chorus teacher Bonita Keene (my sister!), band teacher Doug Armstrong and Theatre Tech Ops teacher Eric Hokanson that I was inspired to quit my job and pursue something I could love and be passionate about. The kids are wonderful examples of a time when we worked hard to pursue our dreams. I attended a fantastic, entertaining chorus concert last night and am looking forward to the band concert on Tuesday. It's great to get inspiration from others. If you live in the North Stafford area, check out one of the programs at MVHS.
2. I posted new bikini pics on bodybuilding.com. If you had asked me two years ago if I would like to post ANY pictures of myself on the Internet, I would have balked at the idea. But here I am, every month, putting all my flaws out there for the world to see. I do it because it's good for me to be a little uncomfortable. Discomfort helps us grow. It's good for me because in six months you and I are going to see some significant changes! It's good because I can already see subtle change, which keeps me focused and encouraged. I get really uncomfortable when people compliment me because I know what I look like out of the compression pants and push up bra. So if you still want to compliment me after seeing me in a bikini, I'll learn to start taking it and smile and say "thank you".
3. I had the best compliment from my trainer yesterday. (I'd post a link to his email but he is not accepting new clients cuz he's so awesome that he's booked solid. What a guy!) I was doing an exercise where I would catch a 12 lb medicine ball as I squatted, then throw it back to him as I was coming back up. For any of you who have known me for a long time, you know that the whole hand-eye coordination thing has always managed to escape me. So when Bruce described what we were going to do, I was a little intimidated. I rocked! When I mentioned how much better I am at such things, Bruce said...."well, that's cuz you're an athlete." I could have cried. I didn't. I threw the ball a little harder. Yessss!!
4. I have got to remember to do my Thursday Three so I don't have to come up with a Friday Four. This is totally cheating and should count as a Friday Fail...ha!
See ya in the gym!
1. Mountain View High School has a wonderful Arts Dept with talented and dedicated teachers. It is because of people like chorus teacher Bonita Keene (my sister!), band teacher Doug Armstrong and Theatre Tech Ops teacher Eric Hokanson that I was inspired to quit my job and pursue something I could love and be passionate about. The kids are wonderful examples of a time when we worked hard to pursue our dreams. I attended a fantastic, entertaining chorus concert last night and am looking forward to the band concert on Tuesday. It's great to get inspiration from others. If you live in the North Stafford area, check out one of the programs at MVHS.
2. I posted new bikini pics on bodybuilding.com. If you had asked me two years ago if I would like to post ANY pictures of myself on the Internet, I would have balked at the idea. But here I am, every month, putting all my flaws out there for the world to see. I do it because it's good for me to be a little uncomfortable. Discomfort helps us grow. It's good for me because in six months you and I are going to see some significant changes! It's good because I can already see subtle change, which keeps me focused and encouraged. I get really uncomfortable when people compliment me because I know what I look like out of the compression pants and push up bra. So if you still want to compliment me after seeing me in a bikini, I'll learn to start taking it and smile and say "thank you".
3. I had the best compliment from my trainer yesterday. (I'd post a link to his email but he is not accepting new clients cuz he's so awesome that he's booked solid. What a guy!) I was doing an exercise where I would catch a 12 lb medicine ball as I squatted, then throw it back to him as I was coming back up. For any of you who have known me for a long time, you know that the whole hand-eye coordination thing has always managed to escape me. So when Bruce described what we were going to do, I was a little intimidated. I rocked! When I mentioned how much better I am at such things, Bruce said...."well, that's cuz you're an athlete." I could have cried. I didn't. I threw the ball a little harder. Yessss!!
4. I have got to remember to do my Thursday Three so I don't have to come up with a Friday Four. This is totally cheating and should count as a Friday Fail...ha!
See ya in the gym!
Monday, December 5, 2011
Small, Medium, Or Large?
I came across a picture of me when I was on a cruise in October 2008 (see right). I was at my heaviest - approx 254 lbs - but I was happy. I was never entirely unhappy in that heavier body. I want people to be happy where they are. Happiness is not an excuse for complacency. You still really need to see a doctor and determine what is a healthy you. HEALTHY people come in different sizes - small, medium, large...you get the idea.My personal observation of people who are obese is that they (we) typically fall into one of these categories:
- I hate the way I look, but I am not interested in putting in the work to change. I don't want to give up the food I love and the free time I have by spending my time exercising
- I love the way I look. What's wrong with carrying a little extra weight if I'm healthy? I loove being a full figured woman?? (I agree only if you really are healthy - great heart rate, BP, endurance, BF%, cholesterol, etc)
- I am okay with the way I look. I'm kinda stuck. It's the body I have and I don't have the time to change it. Maybe I'd be more attractive, but I really don't care enough
- I hate the way I look. I'm miserable. I gotta make a change to be attractive to the opposite sex and have meaning in society
- I've tried before and I always put the weight back on. I just can't do it anymore. (to you I say - keep trying!)
For the record, I am still obese. I have great blood pressure readings & I can run up a few flights of stairs without getting winded and I'm getting closer to "healthy, but overweight" every day. I love the me I am right now. I am working to be the best me I can be...cuz I deserve it. Do something for yourself today. Don't get lost in the busy-ness of the season. Remember to take a moment for you.
See ya in the gym!
PS: I'm posting stats & photo updates here this week. Check it out.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thursday Three - It's All You Get This Week
I just wasn't inspired to document or wax philosophical this week. Every time I'd think of something, I decided to just wait for Thursday. Thursday's here. I've got no excuse. Get to writing!
1. As some of you read on FB, I jogged a mile yesterday without stopping. It was an important milestone for a few reasons. I was the girl (God bless my PE teachers) who obstinately walked the mile in PE. I started off walking and never broke that stride. So in a way, this little jog around the block was a thank you to them for just trying to keep kids active during the week. I found out 2 years ago why running is a struggle for me. I have Compartment Syndrome in my lower left leg. You can google it for details but suffice it to say that it's painful and somewhat dangerous for me to run for long distances. I've built up enough strength to compensate for it for at least a mile. I may never run more than that...but then maybe I will.
2. It's time for progress pictures next week. I don't think I've had much progress but I will likely be taking some close ups of slowly developing muscle. Ugh. My muscles are screaming like Norma Desmond (name that quote and film).
3. My workouts are getting harder. I am pushing myself like never before and it's fun! It's gotten to the point where I see people in the gym stopping to watch me. On Monday, a dude said to my trainer "that right there is why I don't train with you, Bruce". Ha! It was the part where I was on set 2 of 3 of 60 walking lunges while holding a 25 lb plate in each hand. I'm gonna be so beast! I have to keep focusing on what that's gonna look like. Focus. Focus. Focus.
See ya in the gym!
PS I've signed up for another 5K on Dec 11th. Search for a race in your area, especially one where they encourage walking, too. You can do 3 miles! Do it this month. Forget resolutions. Just decide now to change your life.
1. As some of you read on FB, I jogged a mile yesterday without stopping. It was an important milestone for a few reasons. I was the girl (God bless my PE teachers) who obstinately walked the mile in PE. I started off walking and never broke that stride. So in a way, this little jog around the block was a thank you to them for just trying to keep kids active during the week. I found out 2 years ago why running is a struggle for me. I have Compartment Syndrome in my lower left leg. You can google it for details but suffice it to say that it's painful and somewhat dangerous for me to run for long distances. I've built up enough strength to compensate for it for at least a mile. I may never run more than that...but then maybe I will.
2. It's time for progress pictures next week. I don't think I've had much progress but I will likely be taking some close ups of slowly developing muscle. Ugh. My muscles are screaming like Norma Desmond (name that quote and film).
3. My workouts are getting harder. I am pushing myself like never before and it's fun! It's gotten to the point where I see people in the gym stopping to watch me. On Monday, a dude said to my trainer "that right there is why I don't train with you, Bruce". Ha! It was the part where I was on set 2 of 3 of 60 walking lunges while holding a 25 lb plate in each hand. I'm gonna be so beast! I have to keep focusing on what that's gonna look like. Focus. Focus. Focus.
See ya in the gym!
PS I've signed up for another 5K on Dec 11th. Search for a race in your area, especially one where they encourage walking, too. You can do 3 miles! Do it this month. Forget resolutions. Just decide now to change your life.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thursday Three - Happy Thanksgiving!
1) I am happy to take a whole day to give thanks for all of the blessings I have this year. And I have been thinking about my cheat meal all week. I thought about making healthier, less indulgent versions of the things I love; but I changed my mind. Why have a cheat meal if it's not cheating?! Yum. Eating at 4:30. I'll behave til then, I promise.
2) I ran/jogged/walked in the Turkey Trot this morning. It did it in around 45 minutes, which isn't great, but I've never professed to be a runner. It was a perfect day for it and I was glad I was able to get some exercise in before the aforementioned cheat meal. Try to get a little activity in today. Maybe start a new family tradition of walking around the block at halftime or doing "turkey jacks" (like jumping jacks, but more festive & Thanksgivingy) before desert.
3) I got over a hang up this week. One of the trainers I have befriended at LA Fitness and hug on the regular, picked me up this week. I used to panic when someone tried to pick me up for fear that they would hurt themselves. I've never been a petite, delicate flower; so even when I weighed less than now, I would wriggle out of it if someone even tried. So when I hugged G on Tuesday, I let him pick me up - no squirming, just a giggle. I weigh 215 lbs. I'm still no fragile doll, but if someone wants to pick me up after looking at me, that's their problem. It's their risk. I'm just gonna giggle and let them do it.
Enjoy your day with your family and your Thanksgiving meal - and your Thanksgiving nap. Don't forget what I said about getting a little activity in. You'll feel great! And on Monday, I'll...
See ya in the gym!
2) I ran/jogged/walked in the Turkey Trot this morning. It did it in around 45 minutes, which isn't great, but I've never professed to be a runner. It was a perfect day for it and I was glad I was able to get some exercise in before the aforementioned cheat meal. Try to get a little activity in today. Maybe start a new family tradition of walking around the block at halftime or doing "turkey jacks" (like jumping jacks, but more festive & Thanksgivingy) before desert.
3) I got over a hang up this week. One of the trainers I have befriended at LA Fitness and hug on the regular, picked me up this week. I used to panic when someone tried to pick me up for fear that they would hurt themselves. I've never been a petite, delicate flower; so even when I weighed less than now, I would wriggle out of it if someone even tried. So when I hugged G on Tuesday, I let him pick me up - no squirming, just a giggle. I weigh 215 lbs. I'm still no fragile doll, but if someone wants to pick me up after looking at me, that's their problem. It's their risk. I'm just gonna giggle and let them do it.
Enjoy your day with your family and your Thanksgiving meal - and your Thanksgiving nap. Don't forget what I said about getting a little activity in. You'll feel great! And on Monday, I'll...
See ya in the gym!
Monday, November 21, 2011
This Thanksgiving, I'm Having a Big Slice of Humble Pie
I had to have a "come to Jesus meeting" with myself this past weekend. I sat myself down and interviewed myself to calibrate where I am in this whole thing. Am I doing it for me? Has it become about making other people proud of me? Can I even envision the lean version of me anymore? Am I already getting discouraged? You get the idea. I am a tough interviewer. I got right to the heart of it. And I decided I am doing it for me. I want to look back next Fall and feel really good about my accomplishment. But, next Fall is a looong time away! So, now I am looking to set some sub-goals; little milestones that will keep me chasing the carrot (or maybe celery, since carrots are high in sugar!) I'll be developing and sharing those with you in the next week or so. I just wanted to keep you in the loop as to where my head is.
On to the entitled topic! This Thanksgiving is a little different for me this year. My dad passed away in 1996 and Thanksgiving was his thing - 25lb turkey and all. The year he died, my mom and I took road trips to Cape Cod to spend our Thanksgiving on an adventure. My sister and niece joined us a few years ago and it was always a special trip. After mom passed away in 2009, we went to the Cape one last time and Thanksgiving of 2010 was spent with wonderful friends in Denver, CO. I have no plans for 2011. This will be the first year I have spent Thanksgiving at home in 15 years! It'll be odd, but it has given me a little time to reflect. I can dwell on being sad about my losses or I can search for the blessings in my life. I have a lot of blessings. You reading this right now is a blessing to me.
I am listing ten things for which I am very thankful this holiday season. Before you get caught up in the hustle and bustle that always manages to push out the tender excitement of this most wonderful time of year, take time to give thanks. Take time to thank God. Take time to thank others. Take time to thank yourself.
Here's my ten:
I am humbled and awed by this life I am living. What are you thankful for? Make your own list.
See ya in the gym!
On to the entitled topic! This Thanksgiving is a little different for me this year. My dad passed away in 1996 and Thanksgiving was his thing - 25lb turkey and all. The year he died, my mom and I took road trips to Cape Cod to spend our Thanksgiving on an adventure. My sister and niece joined us a few years ago and it was always a special trip. After mom passed away in 2009, we went to the Cape one last time and Thanksgiving of 2010 was spent with wonderful friends in Denver, CO. I have no plans for 2011. This will be the first year I have spent Thanksgiving at home in 15 years! It'll be odd, but it has given me a little time to reflect. I can dwell on being sad about my losses or I can search for the blessings in my life. I have a lot of blessings. You reading this right now is a blessing to me.
I am listing ten things for which I am very thankful this holiday season. Before you get caught up in the hustle and bustle that always manages to push out the tender excitement of this most wonderful time of year, take time to give thanks. Take time to thank God. Take time to thank others. Take time to thank yourself.
Here's my ten:
- This is the time of year I have reflect upon the goodness of a loving God. I thank God for my salvation first and foremost. I am so fortunate to have found a good church home. If you haven't found one that suits you, keep looking. God loves to see His peeps hanging out together.
- I am thankful for my health. It improves every day, and I am rarely sick or debilitated.
- I am so thankful for my wonderful family - Jeff, Lil, Bonita, Greg, Corinn & Evan - I love you very much. Thanks for being you.
- I am thankful that I have a roof over my head and a car to get me where I need to go. There are so many who are less fortunate due to any number of circumstances.
- I am thankful for sweet potatoes. They are so delicious. And this is the best time of year to add eggs, butter, coconut, pecans and brown sugar to them to make them even more so.
- I am thankful for Bruce Williams of Platinum Results, Erika Davitch of Max Muscle, Shelby McDaniel of ShelbyKFitness, and others who are helping me change my life for the better.
- I am thankful for the encouragement of friends. You are an invaluable support system. I hope I tell you enough how much I love you.
- I am thankful for technology (and still I love technology; always and forever [name that film reference]) that allows me to communicate with you in such a succinct and editable manner.
- I am surrounded by music. What an amazing gift in my life. Christmas music is so fantastic, I can't wait til Friday to start listening. I have 615 songs loaded & ready to go.
- Laughter. I am thankful that most of the time I can find the humor in things. Most days, I chose joy. My dad used to say "just as soon laugh as cry." I'm not exactly sure what that means, but I get the intent. I do love to laugh.
I am humbled and awed by this life I am living. What are you thankful for? Make your own list.
See ya in the gym!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Thursday Three
Send me your tidbits and thoughts and I will post them as part of the Thursday Three. Truth is, I'm running out of ideas! LOL!
- This week has been stinky. I have gotten the work done, but without much joy. My weight is back up this week and I am gumptionless. Next week, I will have to rock-n-roll to get back on track.
- Old Navy is making really cute, comfortable workout clothes (see. running out of clever things to share)
- Stop getting on your scale. I wish I would take my own advice. We have been conditioned to be conscious about our weight. Are your pants fitting well? Is your waist smaller that your butt? Can you run up the steps without getting winded? Can you button your shirt without fearing that a button will put someone's eye out? Then you're good.
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